Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
