someone owes me an orgasm
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
ok first of all what the fuck
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
