you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Someone signed my nipple.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
