Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
