So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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