you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You dont lie about slip and slides
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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