my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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