Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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