I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
