the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
