also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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