I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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