her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
honey bunches of taint.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
