she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
