so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
