Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
