Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
