look no pants
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
