My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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