Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
