I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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