Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
