just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
