Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
love makes seman taste better
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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