i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
