All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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