I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
