I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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