i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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