I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
