If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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