My cat gives me a boner
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
