u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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