i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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