he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
