I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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