Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So vagazzling was a success
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
