After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
