Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
