Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
