dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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