Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
