shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you had me at cake vodka
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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