I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
