he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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