you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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