Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
