The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
