just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
