Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
